The white flag of surrender
I'm waving the white flag at Baby Brother. I surrender! After this battle which we have waged against each other every three hours for the past almost four months, I give in. He wins. You see, I've just lost The Battle of Breastfeeding. The battle goes like this... every three hours, he gets hungry. Every three hours I make an attempt at nursing him. And every three hours, after less than three minutes, he decides he is done. And not just, "no thanks, mom, I've had enough," oh no, it's "WAAAAHHHHH! LET ME GO!" with flailing arms and scrunchy face and kicking legs included at no extra charge. Every time, I try to calm him and encourage him to latch back on, and we repeat this sequence over and over. It takes twenty minutes to nurse him three to five minutes. He fights against me, and I give in. I give him a bottle. I am glad he will drink from a bottle, although several times today, he has been so thoroughly wound up after our battle that he has not wanted a bottle either. I have this inner turmoil for giving him a bottle, because everybody knows, and everybody says, "breast is best." Why, even on the can of formula, it states in bold letters, "Important Notice: Breastmilk is best for babies," like it's the Surgeon General's warning about cigarettes causing cancer. I have this heavy dose of mommy guilt pressing down on me for giving my baby the second best thing. The sad thing is, I like breastfeeding, when it is working. But it's not working. Do I persevere? I just don't want to call it quits, I hate "being a quitter," and at the same time, I want my baby to be well-nourished, even if it is with a bottle. So I nurse him until he starts flailing and refusing, and then we give him a bottle, but if he's drinking the same amount of formula when I don't nurse him first as when I do, do I keep nursing? Some is better than none, right? I feel a little deja vu, because we did this same thing with Princess. She fought against me and I gave in. Except this time, I have lasted 16 weeks instead of six. What do you do when your baby refuses to nurse? I guess you have to do what works. So, Baby Brother, you win. If you want your bottle, you shall have your bottle.
5 comments:
You should not feel guilty. I'm proud of you for making it this long, because I probably would have given up long before now if I was you. Besides, you gave him all those antibodies and other good things in your colostrum at the beginning, and now you've almost gotten him through RSV season. Kudos to you. Maybe for your next baby, you'll make it to 26 weeks! I would keep breastfeeding whatever he will take though-some is better than none, but what you have given him already is great!
and you could always pump if you were really wanting to give him the good stuff. too bad i haven't had #3 yet because jake's work is giving fancy electric double pumps. i'll be like a cow. anyways, don't feel bad about a bottle. if that's what he wants and he won't take the other, why fight him. your life will be so much easier. and i have never known a baby who has severe issues as an adult strictly because they had formula. if mya would have taken a bottle, we would have been tempted to cut her off early too. don't feel bad!
I know all about the guilt of not breast feeding. I cried over it with Emily, but decided that she was happier and I was happier when I finally gave in to the bottle. I agree that "breast is best" but look at my Em. Only 4 or 5 days of it before we gave in and she is perfectly healthy. We have never had any major illnesses (RSV, ear infections etc.) So even though it is best, it doesn't mean that the formula is bad. Kudos to you for making it as long as you did. You are a better woman than I.
In that book it talks about how sometimes people aren't doing it right but don't know it...of course I've never breastfed, so I have no idea how this could be. I don't know, is there any way to figure this out? Either way, you've got to do what keeps your sanity!
Don't stress about it- some babies prefer bottles, and it works just fine. I applaud you for your patience and effort- it can be so stressful when it's not working. And don't let anyone ever tell you that you're "not giving your baby what's best." It's best for your baby to eat and be happy, whether that's by breastfeeding or bottlefeeding. :)
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