Big Questions

Aubrey recently asked me a question. This comes as no surprise, because usually, she is asking "why?" or "how?" all the day long. I have long ago stopped telling her to quit pestering, and instead have encouraged her to ask questions, knowing this is the way she learns. However, this particular question caught me off guard, and caused me to reflect, because it was a Big One. We were doing puzzles, and casually, as she fits together two pieces of the 63 piece Strawberry Shortcake puzzle, she asks me, "mommy, how much do you love me?" And for a split second, I didn't know how to answer her. I was taken aback by her honesty and genuine curiosity and interest she had in the answer. I tried to formulate a reply. But I found it was difficult, because, how do I express the depth of love I have for someone who I carried for nine months, and have watched grow for four years? How can I help her understand the feelings of affection I have for her when she is happy? How I wish she could know what happiness fills my heart when her bright laugh rings through our home. How do I thank her for making herself so easy to love, when with her twinkling big blue eyes and easy grin, she says, "mom, you're the best!" How do I tell her that even though we have hard days when she doesn't laugh and she isn't happy, I still love her more than she will ever know? Words can never articulate the depth of love I have as a mother, to my children. But I had to say something to my expectant and earnest daughter. In answering Aubrey I said, borrowing a phrase from a book, "I love you to the moon and back, and more than you will ever know." She seemed satisfied with that answer, and we went back to doing our puzzle quietly together. And I think she understood. Not so much by the words I was saying, but by what I was doing... devoting time to her, however small. I could tell her "I love you" all day long, the same way she asks "why?" all day long, but nothing would accentuate my love more than giving my time to her. And so to Aubrey, I would add, I love you all 63 pieces of that puzzle, all 150 pages of your favorite book, and all the balloons on our boats in Balloon Lagoon. I hope we always have time for one more.