My Secret
Every night without fail, I go into my children's rooms and peek at them sleeping. Any negativity I may have felt during the day goes to rest as surely as my children do in that moment. This gratuitous look into the faces of my sleeping babes is my reward, my pay, for my day's work. My life's work. I reminisce.
The older one, she's growing up, and not the little baby she once was, but still I see in her beautiful and familiar features the little person I have always loved. My firstborn. I marvel that she who can be so impassioned and expressive by day sleeps so serenely and quietly by night. I silently and gently pull the covers up around her again- she is always losing her blankets, and I don't want her to be cold. Barbies and books, ponies and princesses litter the floor. We played with them all today. My favorite part of the day. We'll continue Barbie's wedding to Ken tomorrow, I silently vow to her. Thankful to be her favorite playmate.
Next I peek at my baby, and even he is growing too big for that name. Oh, but how he loves to snuggle and be held. His big blue eyes and charming little ways make him so easy to love. My heart swells with joy as I watch him sleep, clutching in his little hands his most dear possesions: his blanket, his Elmo, his ball. I look forward to the morning, when the first words he speaks will be the sweetest words to my ears: "Mama." Yes, my love. I am lucky to be yours.
I want to linger. I want to gather them both up in my arms, hold them tight and stop them from growing up any more. They have grown so fast already. I know I have lingered long enough-- the little one always stirs, and I feel sorry to have disturbed him.
Every night as I walk away from their bedsides, I pray fervently for Heavenly Father to bless them, my children-- truly, my joy. Every night I wonder if it is possible for me to love my children more than I do in that instant. Could I possibly love them any more? I hope so.
Dream on, my little loves. Thank you for reminding me what it is to be a mother. Your mother. I love you.
18 comments:
Your post gave me goosebumps. You are such a talented writer and so great at expressing emotions. Beautiful post. Your children are so blessed to have you as their mother!
That made me cry and I could see you creeping quietly in there on your nightly ritual. That was a great post.
So how I feel! Expressed so well! They truly do grow so fast!
I agree--your a great writer. I know I've told you that before, but hey, I'll tell you again.
You know how to bring tears to a mom's eyes. :)
I love watching them and the funny thing is most of the time they don't know it.
I still love cuddling with Brayden although it doesn't happen as often anymore. I'm wondering if my squeeze you for as long as I can hugs are causing probs when he hugs kids and won't let go.
I love when I'm (usually in the kitchen) and he comes up and hugs my legs.
One of my favorite times of day as well. It erases anything stressful that may have happened that day and a chance to feel at peace and start fresh the next day.
I can tell you that as impossible as it seems, you will love them more as time goes on...just as I do their mother.
You made me teary eyed! That time of my day is one of my favorites too. Nothing like a sweet sleeping child.
That was absolutely beautiful, Kristin. I'm so glad you posted it.
Kissy this was beautiful, it made me cry and made me even more excited for my adventure ahead. I'm grateful for women like you who recognize and express the blessings and wonder of motherhood. And it made me love those little ones of yours even more too!
When I think about my years of experiencing those tender moments, I wonder -- were they sleeping? Or communing with the angels?
You sure have a way with words!! I always felt the same way. I still like to take a peak of my baby sleeping if he is at home. Usually though it is around 11:00......A.M.........right before I wake him up!
I do the same thing every night too, only you write it much better than I ever could have. :) Thanks for sharing.
Well put my dear- sooo true. I do the same thing too- it makes all the not so pleasant stuff that happened during the day fade away. Very eloquent. :)
That is the best secret! I've been feeling this exact same way. I just posted the same feelings on Monday. Being a mom is where it's at, especially when they're asleep and it's so easy to remember just how much we love them.
I loved this post! It's amazing how rewarding those quiet, peaceful moments are... those moments are the ones that help me keep things in perspective. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so beautifully!
This was so sweet. Thank you for writing it. It makes me feel, again, like Nate and I need to get crackin'
What's funny, too, is how much I can understand the love you have for them because I love them so much, too.
very very sweet. I loved it.And you are a talented writer and a great mother
I, too, love to watch my children sleep and get an intense swelling in my heart as I do so. Love how you put it into words.
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