...But I promise I've been working out!!!

My brand new cell phone recently stopped working. I looked at it right before I left to go eat lunch with Aubrey and it was working. Ten minutes later, after arriving at Aubrey's school, I took the phone from my pocket, slid it up to look at the time and saw this:



The screen had a strange, multicolored vertical stripe and a completely blank background. I took it to the phone store and they said my phone had suffered a "pressure crack" which is caused by "customer damage," and thus was not under warranty. A pressure crack? I asked. This phone is brand new! I had not pushed the screen with my fingers like I did with calculators as a kid! I had not dropped it! One minute it was working, the next, it looked like this! I hadn't done anything! It was in my pocket the whole time! I argued. Then I stopped short.

It was in my pocket. The BACK pocket of my jeans. It was working before I got into the car, and broken when I got out. The only thing I did in between it working/not working, was SIT DOWN.

I squished my phone to death by the sheer weight of my heiney.

Or, in other words, the pressure exerted by my bum was enough to crack the screen of my phone.

This is hilarious and deeply sad all at the same time. (Laugh with me. It's better than crying right?)

Remember this post? This is one of many wherein I publicly admitted I'm a member of the big booty club. It's a special distinction I share with a few of my sisters. And Beyonce.

...But, I've been exercising more regularly than ever! I actually thought it was getting smaller! Maybe it's all muscle now. Yeah, that must be it.

Too bad my phone can't tell the difference.