It was so NOT Man From Snowy River
Not so long ago, we visited Chad's brother in Denton. While there, we went to the family farm, where we met their chickens, dog, and horses. One horse was a miniature horse the kids had fun riding. The other one was the one I rode. For some inexplicable reason, I felt like horseback riding was in my skill set. Maybe it is the fact I went to horseback riding camp for a week when I was 12. Maybe it is the fact my grandpa had a horse. Maybe it's all the horseback riding I did with my Uncle Ben when I was a kid. Maybe it's all the romantic ideas I've gotten in to my head over the years about riding horses. In any case, I felt confident enough to get on top of a really tall horse and take her for a ride.
My first clue that things might not go as rosy and romantical as I had in mind should have been my choice of footwear. Generally speaking, flip flops are not good riding shoes.
Undaunted, or maybe oblivious, I got on, grabbed the reins and took off. Slowly, at first. Nice and easy around the yard. I guess that (wrongly) inflated my horse riding ego. When I felt comfortable enough, I noticed that My Little Pony kept wanting to go into an open pasture adjacent to the farm. I asked if it was okay: If I were a pony, I'd love to go running at full tilt through an open field. I mean, how much better does it get when you're a horse? So when I got the go ahead, off we went. Well, Pony Pants knew exactly where she wanted to go and how to get there. It was no longer a nice even trot, trot, trot. It was galloping at full speed to the far fence line. This is where my horse skills began failing me. "Whoa," and pulling back on the reins wasn't going to cut it. What's more, was, I was starting to fall completely out of the saddle on our kamikaze mission to the fence. I might be wrong but I don't think the saddle was completely tight around her to begin with, nor were the stirrups the right length for me. And may I remind you about the flip flops.
After making it under tree branches (upon which I scratched my arm), pony began acting frantically and whinnying, at which point, her pony enemies from the next field over came stampeding toward the fence also. At which point angry pony talk commenced. I don't know what they were saying but it didn't sound good. There was also some bucking of horses and so I fairly quickly dismounted voluntarily so as to not have the choice to get off my horse made for me.
The next twenty minutes were spent trying to coax sweet little pony to head back toward the house. This is where my horse skills really failed me. Nothing I could think of would calm the horse. She was fairly obstinate about wanting this pony showdown- everytime I turned her, she cut me off and headed back for more angry pony talk. Judging by what I deemed a wild look in her eyes, I didn't want to get back on her. Eventually, after many tries, I did, and this time, without taking a second though for my flip flops, or my behind, which which flip-flopping in the saddle, we headed back to the house and quickly I could make her go. This time I was the stubborn one and did my best to steer her in the right direction. I'm sure she was doing a little pony snort in her little pony mind: "Ha! City slicker!" But eventually we made it back. I was only too glad to hand her back into the care of her owners. Turns out I like her a lot better when I'm standing next to her instead of sitting on top of her. This ride really made me feel like I'd reached my pony riding quota. If the last time I rode a horse was when I was 12, I'm good for another 20 years. See ya then, pony.
If I were to make a slide show retelling this story, it would go something like this:
Part 1: Nice and Easy around the Yard
My first clue that things might not go as rosy and romantical as I had in mind should have been my choice of footwear. Generally speaking, flip flops are not good riding shoes.
Undaunted, or maybe oblivious, I got on, grabbed the reins and took off. Slowly, at first. Nice and easy around the yard. I guess that (wrongly) inflated my horse riding ego. When I felt comfortable enough, I noticed that My Little Pony kept wanting to go into an open pasture adjacent to the farm. I asked if it was okay: If I were a pony, I'd love to go running at full tilt through an open field. I mean, how much better does it get when you're a horse? So when I got the go ahead, off we went. Well, Pony Pants knew exactly where she wanted to go and how to get there. It was no longer a nice even trot, trot, trot. It was galloping at full speed to the far fence line. This is where my horse skills began failing me. "Whoa," and pulling back on the reins wasn't going to cut it. What's more, was, I was starting to fall completely out of the saddle on our kamikaze mission to the fence. I might be wrong but I don't think the saddle was completely tight around her to begin with, nor were the stirrups the right length for me. And may I remind you about the flip flops.
After making it under tree branches (upon which I scratched my arm), pony began acting frantically and whinnying, at which point, her pony enemies from the next field over came stampeding toward the fence also. At which point angry pony talk commenced. I don't know what they were saying but it didn't sound good. There was also some bucking of horses and so I fairly quickly dismounted voluntarily so as to not have the choice to get off my horse made for me.
The next twenty minutes were spent trying to coax sweet little pony to head back toward the house. This is where my horse skills really failed me. Nothing I could think of would calm the horse. She was fairly obstinate about wanting this pony showdown- everytime I turned her, she cut me off and headed back for more angry pony talk. Judging by what I deemed a wild look in her eyes, I didn't want to get back on her. Eventually, after many tries, I did, and this time, without taking a second though for my flip flops, or my behind, which which flip-flopping in the saddle, we headed back to the house and quickly I could make her go. This time I was the stubborn one and did my best to steer her in the right direction. I'm sure she was doing a little pony snort in her little pony mind: "Ha! City slicker!" But eventually we made it back. I was only too glad to hand her back into the care of her owners. Turns out I like her a lot better when I'm standing next to her instead of sitting on top of her. This ride really made me feel like I'd reached my pony riding quota. If the last time I rode a horse was when I was 12, I'm good for another 20 years. See ya then, pony.
If I were to make a slide show retelling this story, it would go something like this:
Part 1: Nice and Easy around the Yard
Part 2: Blinded by romantic ideas about galloping on a horse through an open field, off we go
Part 3: West Side Story, Pony Version
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Parts 4 and 5: Don't Fall off the Pony You're Not Friends with Anymore
Part 6: Since I Didn't Die, I Like You Again.
Needless to say, it was so NOT Man From Snowy River.
9 comments:
I have the same romantic notions about horseback riding and then I realize that it is really hard to stay on when they are moving faster than a walk and it makes my rear end sore.
Great story! Happy that you made it back safely and with no desire to ride again for 20 years! Grandpa knows that the horse always knows who is in command! Evidently it was not you.
Hahahahaahah. I was pleasantly surprised enough to find a post, and ecstatic to find a pony story! I am laughing so hard. I bet those ponies were talking bad about you. You do look awesome galloping around on that pony. You could have written about a wonderful, professional afternoon you had with a lovely pony and I never would have known the difference by the pictures!
I've always dreamed of owning and riding horses too but their self assurance and ego scare me. I am not that self assured, with horses or even just in my general life. Still, I will dream.
Hahah! Grandma told me you'd posted so I got right on to read!! This is a funny story. The pictures are pretty great too.
I am laughing out loud too, but I can also relate to the fearful bouncing on a horse that you can't control. Love this post!
Wow- What a country girl. I didn't remember the horse camp until mom reminded me. Nice pictures. It actually looks like you know exactly what you are doing. I love the galloping picture.
Dear Old Dad
Oh Kristin! Thanks for a good laugh. You are such a great writer. So good to see you in SF over the weekend.
Hahahahah! I couldn't stop laughing!!! I should have been checking your blog! Don't worry, I haven't been checking any blogs really so you weren't the only one. I'm glad that you don't have a broken tailbone or any such thing and came away unscathed (beside branch scratches). You should take that second to last picture and frame it with the title "horse whisperer" because you sure look like you know what you're doing in that one. It's an awesome action shot! I can picture Chad laughing and taking pictures from a distance...is that about right? Miss you all. xoxo
PS I have to show this post to Evie, she will just turn green with Envy! We got her a pony riding lesson for her birthday. I'm a tad nervous but at the zoo she got right up on that horse with no fear!
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